Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has a Social Explorer Core, and a person whose Personality Triad has an Ideas Changemaker Core. The Social Explorer Triad includes a Social Changemaker Bodyguard and a Physical Connector Bodyguard. The Ideas Changemaker Triad includes an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard and an Ideas Connector Bodyguard.
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards. So when the Explorer IS our core personality and we are in a relationship, we just want to stay focused on the good feels of being in love. Having to deal with other aspects of the relationship can stress us out and make us want to pull away.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Explorer Triad which includes a Social Explorer Core. And Alex has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Explorer bodyguard.
Because the Explorer element in Sam’s Triad is their Core Personality, they want to stay fully present in the feeling of romance and connection as long as possible. Because that Explorer element is the Social Explorer, their love is anchored in the feeling of having someone by their side and the mutual choice to share the dance of life with one another.
Alex’s Ideas Explorer Bodyguard anchors love in the anticipation of having their deepest feelings heard and supported. But because the Explorer element in Alex’s Triad is not their Core Personality, they are willing to let distracting thoughts poke holes romantic bubble at any point in the relationship.
Ultimately, Sam’s love is strongest when the couple moves through daily life together, sharing the reality of life’s ups and downs. Alex’s love is strongest when the couple spends quality time together, away from any distractions, building a deep foundation of emotional intimacy.
Having different values around love can make it difficult for the romance to ground itself and build a solid momentum. Both Sam and Alex are at increased risk of feeling that trust in their partner’s love is getting scuffed up over time to the point of becoming completely eroded.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Explorer Triad which includes a Social Explorer Core. And Alex has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Changemaker Core.
Sam’s Social Explorer Core is naturally gifted at accepting others unconditionally. So it is unlikely that Alex would ever feel pressured by Sam to change any aspect of themselves. Alex’s Ideas Changemaker Core is inclined to look at life through a lens of analysis, judgement and critical thinking which can lead them to decide that Sam needs to change in some way.
When Alex is not happy with something in the relationship, they do not mince words, which is made harsher by the fact that they can be very resistant to changing themselves. Sam’s Social Explorer Personality is eager to please Alex by doing everything they can to make Alex Happy. It is very important that this Personality Pair connect with community because social isolation could push their relationship dynamic to an unhealthy extreme.
Ultimately, this Personality Pair might find themselves growing apart over time. In order for that not to happen, Alex needs to focus on listening and being more flexible. If that does not happen, Sam’s Social Explorer Core is likely to feel oppressed by the level of focus and mental acrobatics that Alex expects in the relationship.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards. So, when the Changemaker IS our Core personality and we are in a relationship, we can’t just ignore aspects of the relationship we wish were different.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Explorer Triad which includes a Social Changemaker Bodyguard. And Alex has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Changemaker Core.
The Social Changemaker in Sam’s Triad is a Bodyguard. Therefore, it is influenced by the Social Explorer Core Personality which tends to avoid confrontation, overriding the desire to ask for anything that would cause tension in the relationship. Because the Ideas Changemaker is Alex’s Core Personality, they are likely to stay aware of things that bother them in the relationship until they get resolved. In general, Sam is willing to adapt to Alex’s requests as long as they feel manageable.
In this Personality Pair, Alex has a natural intensity that can easily overshadow Sam’s easy-going temperament. Any confrontation is much more likely to be initiated by Alex than by Sam. Therefore, this couple must be careful to not let the relationship become one sided where Alex’s behavior is unpredictably overbearing or aggressive, and Sam feels they have no choice but to give in.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Explorer Triad which includes a Physical Connector Bodyguard. And Alex has the Ideas Changemaker Triad which includes an Ideas Connector bodyguard.
Sam and Alex approach fitting into the world very differently because the Connector elements in their Triads are different. Although they are both Bodyguards, the Connector element in Sam’s Social Explorer Triad is the Physical Connector; whereas the Connector element in Alex’s Ideas Changemaker Triad is the Ideas Connector.
Because the Connector elements in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads are Bodyguards, and not their Core Personalities, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind for either one of them.
To what extent Sam and Alex expect their relationships to help them feel at home in the world depends on how active their Connector Bodyguards are. As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything. A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels under pressure to plant roots or take up space in the world.
When Sam’s Physical Connector Bodyguard is active, they see their relationship as an important puzzle piece in the tangible reality of a full life. Any partner behavior that does not reflect loyalty and dependability fractures the relationship puzzle piece that Sam is trusting to stay whole.
Although Alex’s sense of right and wrong does not come from society the way that Sam’s does, Alex’s Ideas Changemaker Personality has a very strong internal compass that is committed to an individualized definition of integrity. As long as their personal code of ethics aligns with the basic principles of what Sam thinks is right, Sam’s Connector needs are not likely to add particular stress to the relationship.
When Alex’s Ideas Connector Bodyguard is active, Alex looks to the relationship for support of the thoughts and feelings they have about their identity in the world. And Sam’s Social Explorer Personality is eager to support Alex in any way they can.
For this Personality Pair, intentions on both sides are likely to always be true. Whether or not they are able to make it, both Sam and Alex are likely to be sincere in their efforts to give the other what they need from the relationship. ©
