Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has a Physical Explorer Core, and person whose Personality Triad has a Physical Changemaker Core. The Physical Explorer Triad includes an Ideas Connector Bodyguard and a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard. The Physical Changemaker Triad includes a Physical Connector Bodyguard and a Physical Explorer Bodyguard
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards. So when the Explorer IS our core personality and we are in a relationship, we just want to stay focused on the good feels of being in love. Having to deal with other aspects of the relationship can stress us out and make us want to pull away.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Physical Explorer Triad which includes a Physical Explorer Core. And Alex has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Explorer Bodyguard.
Because the Explorer element in both Sam’s and Alex’s Personality Triads is the Physical Explorer, their feelings while they are falling in love naturally align. The fact that love means the same thing to both of them makes the honeymoon phase feel perfect as long as they both are embracing the experience of falling in love.
For both Sam and Alex, love is anchored in their body.
Because the Physical Explorer is Sam’s Core Personality, they want to stay fully present in the feeling of romance and connection as long as possible. Because the Physical Explorer is not Alex’s Core Personality, they are willing to let real life distractions poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship.
How close this couple feels in the early stages of the relationship depends on how active Alex’s Physical Explorer Bodyguard is. The fact that love means the same thing to both of them can make the honeymoon phase feel perfect as long as they are both embracing the experience of falling in love.
If they do embrace love in this early stage of their relationship, it creates a foundation of closeness they can revisit as the relationship progresses, any time they feel at risk of drifting apart.
If Alex’s Physical Explorer Bodyguard is not developed or active, the honeymoon phase of their relationship is at risk of falling flat, leading both of them to wonder why they got together in the first place.
If they grow closer during the honeymoon phase, they are likely to stay emotionally connected. If the honeymoon phase feels underwhelming, they are likely to ‘fall out of love’ sooner rather than later.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Physical Explorer Triad which includes a Physical Explorer Core. And Alex has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Core.
Sam’s Physical Explorer Personality is deeply connected to their body, and focused on how their body feels in each moment. Sam prefers not to waste time worrying about what other people are thinking or doing. So Alex is not likely to have any expectations of Sam.
Alex’s Physical Changemaker Core is invested in feeling powerful in the world. If they are not satisfied with the level of power they feel in their life, they can feel compelled to exercise more power over their partner. When Alex is not happy with something in the relationship, they may attempt to impose their will by finding a way to blame Sam, and taking on the demeanor of a bully.
Sam’s reaction to Alex’s coercive energy is likely to be retreating into a familiar space or activity that feels good to their body. That is likely to trigger Alex even more. At that point, their interaction is likely to take one of two directions, or a combination of both.
Alex is likely to either let their agitation escalate until they lash out in aggressive behavior; or redirect the tension into a sexual interaction. Regardless, the dynamic is likely to be emotionally, and maybe physically, unsafe for Sam.
Even though Sam’s expectations can be more about control than whatever issue they are directed at, they are still likely to impact Alex. Each time issues arise, they are likely to trigger any insecurities Alex has in connection with the criticisms that are brought up.
Although Sam is not likely to make it obvious that they are impacted by their partner’s desire for them to be different than they are, they cannot help but internalize the feeling that they are not enough. Every time they take that hit, any feeling of compatibility that exists in the relationship also takes a hit.
Because Sam’s Physical Explorer Personality and Alex’s Physical Changemaker Personality sit at two opposite extremes of personality intensity, this Personality Pair has a fundamental imbalance that makes it a very risky relationship.
Unfortunately, this is a common Personality Pair because both Personalities are rooted in their bodies and tend to allow their physical feelings to lead their relationship decisions.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards. So, when the Changemaker IS our Core personality and we are in a relationship, we can’t just ignore aspects of the relationship we wish were different.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Physical Explorer Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Core.
The Physical Changemaker element in Sam’s and Alex’s Triads is one of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index. It is extremely sensitive to having its power threatened, and welcomes opportunities to exercise control.
Neither Sam nor Alex is likely to back down from a fight once they get into it. As a Core or active Bodyguard, the Physical Changemaker can come across as combative. As a Bodyguard, it tends to show up in defense of the Physical Explorer Core which prefers to avoid the stress of conflict.
However, Sam’s Physical Changemaker Bodyguard is no match for Alex’s Physical Changemaker Core within the same relationship. When up against Alex’s Physical Changemaker Core, Sam’s Physical Changemaker is likely to feel intimidated and nearly powerless. Alex’s instinctive reaction to Sam’s confrontational energy is to retreat into a familiar space or activity that feels good to their body.
For this Personality Pair, the risk of Alex reacting defensively to a trigger is always there. Alex has a natural intensity that can easily overshadow Sam’s easy-going temperament. Any confrontation is much more likely to be initiated by Alex than by Sam.
This couple must be careful to not let the relationship become one sided where Alex’s behavior is unpredictably overbearing or aggressive, and Sam feels they have no choice but to give in.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Physical Explorer Triad which includes an Ideas Connector Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Changemaker Triad which a Physical Connector Bodyguard.
Sam and Alex approach fitting into the world very differently because the Connector element in their Triads are different. Although they are both Bodyguards, the Connector element in Sam’s Physical Explorer Triad is the Ideas Connector; whereas the Connector element in Alex’s Physical Changemaker Triad is the Physical Connector.
Because the Connector elements in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads are Bodyguards, and not their Core Personalities, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind for either one of them.
To what extent Sam and Alex expect their relationship to help them feel at home in the world depends on how active their Connector Bodyguards are. As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything.
A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels under pressure to plant roots or take up space in the world. When active, Sam’s Ideas Connector Bodyguard looks to the relationship for support of the thoughts and feelings they have about their identity in the world.
However, Alex’s Physical Changemaker Personality has no interest in thinking about Sam’s ideas and emotions. Alex is likely to resent any expectations that they take on the role of helper for the benefit of Sam’s psychological wellbeing.
The Physical Changemaker Personality can tend to begrudge expectations, and to see compliance as a sign of weakness. So Sam’s Connector needs are not likely to be met.
When Alex’s Physical Connector Bodyguard is active, they see their relationship as an important puzzle piece in the tangible reality of a full life. Any partner behavior that does not reflect loyalty and dependability fractures the relationship puzzle piece that Alex is trusting to stay whole.
The Physical Connector element usually is invested in finding a partner whose behavior can be counted on to reflect values of responsibility and fairness.
However, the Physical Connector Bodyguard in a Physical Changemaker Triad may not have enough sway over their own Core Personality to hold it to those values. Alex’s Physical Changemaker Triad has its own internal contradiction because the Physical Changemaker Core and Physical Connector Bodyguard have diametrically opposed methods for dealing with life.
The Physical Changemaker Core wants to charge at life until it surrenders. The Physical Connector Bodyguard wants to use established frameworks to build a world where people can make the most of what reality has to offer.
If Alex’s Physical Connector Bodyguard is active, it is constantly trying to manage the Physical Changemaker Core to prevent it from making a choice that might harm Alex or anyone else.
The Physical Changemaker Triad’s internal power struggle triggers Alex into a defensive posture. Alex’s Connector needs zero in on keeping their environment predictable and nonthreatening. In this Personality Pair, Alex expects the relationship to help ‘cover’ them in any situations that may draw the attention of authority or anyone they perceive as the enemy.
However, Sam’s Physical Explorer Personality is particularly uncomfortable taking on humorless, and potentially dangerous, responsibility. And, Sam prefers to avoid any of the preset frameworks Alex may use to manage their life.
The Connector dynamic in this Personality Pair is likely to create antagonism in the relationship. There is little to no chance that this relationship can support either Sam’s or Alex’s connection with the world. The Connector mismatch adds one more reason that this Personality Pair is not sustainable. ©
