Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has a Physical Explorer Core, and person whose Personality Triad has a Physical Connector Core. The Physical Explorer Triad includes an Ideas Connector Bodyguard and a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard. The Physical Connector Triad includes a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard and a Social Explorer Bodyguard
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards. So when the Explorer IS our core personality and we are in a relationship, we just want to stay focused on the good feels of being in love. Having to deal with other aspects of the relationship can stress us out and make us want to pull away.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Physical Explorer Triad which includes a Physical Explorer Core. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Social Explorer Bodyguard.
Sam and Alex experience falling in love very differently for two reasons. One reason is that for Sam, the Explorer is the Core Personality; whereas for Alex, it is a Bodyguard. Another reason is that the Explorer Element in Sam’s Ideas Explorer Triad is the Ideas Explorer; whereas the Explorer element in Sam’s Ideas Connector Triad is the Physical Explorer.
Because the Explorer element in Sam’s Triad is their Core Personality, they want to stay fully present in the feeling of romance and connection as long as possible. Because the Explorer element in Alex’s Triad is not their Core Personality, they are willing to let real life distractions poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship.
Sam’s Physical Explorer Core anchors love in their body. Alex’s Social Explorer Bodyguard anchors love in the feeling of having someone by their side and the mutual choice to share the dance of life with one another.
Ultimately, Sam’s love is strongest when they feel a strong physical attraction and chemistry. Alex’s love is strongest when the couple moves through daily life together, sharing the reality of life’s ups and downs.
Having different values around love can make it difficult for the romance to ground itself and build a solid momentum. Both Sam and Alex are at increased risk of feeling that trust in their partner’s love is getting scuffed up over time to the point of becoming completely eroded.
The overall intimacy of this couple in the early stages of the relationship is likely to be closer if Alex has an active Social Explorer Bodyguard. However, having two different and active Explorer elements within a relationship dynamic can exacerbate the risk of both partners feeling more unloved as the relationship progresses.
There is nothing about this Personality Pair that is likely to create or sustain a notable attraction and chemistry. If these two Personalities do get together, they are likely to wonder why they did.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Physical Explorer Triad which includes a Physical Explorer Core. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Physical Connector Core.
Sam’s Physical Explorer Personality is deeply connected to their body, and focused on how their body feels in each moment. Sam prefers not to waste time worrying about what other people are thinking or doing. So Alex is not likely to have any expectations of Sam.
Alex’s Physical Connector Core prioritizes keeping life streamlined and safe. They generally appreciate structure and rules in every aspect of their life. If Sam is making risky choices or breaking laws, Alex would expect Sam to change their behavior to fit in with society’s standards.
Sam has the attitude that rules and structure are overrated. So Sam is likely to ignore Alex’s expectations and lectures about what Sam is doing wrong, and what they should be doing.
Sam is likely to think that Alex is not relaxed enough. Alex is likely to think that Sam is not responsible or proactive enough.
Although neither Sam nor Alex is likely to make it obvious that they are impacted by any expectations their partner has of them to change what they do naturally, it can be difficult to avoid internalizing the feeling that they are not enough. Every time they take that hit, any feeling of compatibility that exists in the relationship also takes a hit.
In this Personality Pair, pressure to change is much more likely to come from Alex than from Sam. However, Alex’s expectations are likely to set off a cycle of escalating disappointment and agitated communication. Eventually, it is likely to become difficult for both Sam and Alex to feel relaxed around each other.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Physical Explorer Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which also includes a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard.
Although the Physical Changemaker in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads is a Bodyguard, and not their Core Personality, it can be eager to assert itself. One of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index, it is extremely sensitive to having its power threatened, and welcomes opportunities to exercise control.
If Sam’s Physical Explorer Personality feels that Alex has prevented them from having a good time, the default carefree attitude of Sam’s Physical Explorer Core can give way to the confrontational and physically intimidating energy of their Physical Changemaker Bodyguard.
If Alex’s Physical Connector Personality feels that Sam is responsible for something important going wrong in their life, the default cool, calm and collected demeanor of Alex’s Physical Connector Core can give way to the confrontational and physically intimidating energy of their Physical Changemaker Bodyguard.
However, Alex’s Physical Changemaker Bodyguard is generally well managed by their Physical Connector Core, keeping the Physical Changemaker Bodyguard from impulsively reacting to triggers. If Alex is not happy with something Sam is doing, Alex’s Physical Connector Core usually maintains a cool, calm and collected demeanor, communicating what they want in very practical terms.
If Sam does not respond as Alex thinks they should, Alex might begin to feel and express agitation, allowing the Physical Changemaker Bodyguard to emerge.
Most clashes Sam and Alex have are likely to lose momentum due to Sam’s nonchalance or Alex’s composure. On the odd occasion when both Sam and Alex feel strongly enough about an issue to keep the confrontation going, it is more likely that one of them begrudgingly accepts defeat than that they actually reach a resolution that feels ok to both of them.
In this Personality Pair, Sam’s and Alex’s priorities are so diametrically opposed that their wants are very likely to be mutually exclusive. For this Personality Pair, living as roommates with independent lives and easy options for staying out of each other’s way is probably the closest they can come to living as a couple.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Physical Explorer Triad which includes an Ideas Connector Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Physical Connector Core.
Sam and Alex approach fitting into the world very differently for two reasons. One reason is that for Alex, the Connector is their Core Personality; whereas for Sam, it is a Bodyguard. Another reason is that Sam’s Connector element is the Ideas Connector; whereas Alex’s Connector element is the Physical Connector.
Because the Physical Connector in Alex’s Triad is their Core Personality, it is very important to them that the relationship acts as a bridge between who they are and how the world perceives them. Alex’s Physical Connector Core sees their relationship as an important puzzle piece in the tangible reality of a full life.
Any partner behavior that does not reflect loyalty and dependability fractures the relationship puzzle piece that Alex is trusting to stay whole. The Physical Connector element usually is invested in finding a partner whose behavior can be counted on to reflect values of responsibility and fairness.
However, Sam’s Physical Explorer Personality prioritizes their own physical comfort and enjoyment above any type of imposed rules or standards. So Sam is not likely to respect or take into account any of Alex’s Connector needs.
Because the Ideas Connector in Sam’s Triad is a Bodyguard, and not their Core Personality, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind. To what extent Sam expects their relationship to help them feel at home in the world depends on how active their Connector Bodyguard is.
As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything. A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels under pressure to plant roots or take up space in the world.
When Sam’s Ideas Connector Bodyguard is active, Sam looks to the relationship for support of the thoughts and feelings they have about their identity in the world. However, Alex’s Physical Connector Personality is not likely to have much interest in providing emotionally and psychologically therapeutic attention. So Sam’s Connector needs are not likely to be met.
The Connector dynamic in this Personality Pair is likely to add friction to the relationship. The less Sam and Alex depend on one another to meet their Connector needs, the more chance they have of living together amicably. ©
