Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has a Social Connector Core, and person whose Personality Triad has a Physical Changemaker Core. The Social Connector Triad includes a Social Changemaker Bodyguard and an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard. The Physical Changemaker Triad includes a Physical Explorer Bodyguard and a Physical Connector Bodyguard
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Explorer Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Explorer Bodyguard.
Because the Explorer element in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads are Bodyguards and not their Core Personalities, they are both willing to let distractions poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship. And even if they both decide to give their full attention to the relationship, either or both of them may doubt their partner’s love because their priorities around love are so different.
Sam’s Ideas Explorer Bodyguard anchors love in the anticipation of having their deepest feelings heard and supported. Alex’s Physical Explorer Bodyguard anchors love in their body.
Ultimately, Sam’s love is strongest when the couple spends quality time together, away from any distractions, building a deep foundation of emotional intimacy. Alex’s love is strongest when they feel a strong physical attraction and chemistry.
However, because the Explorer element in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads are Bodyguards, they are influenced by each of their respective Core Personalities, especially because Sam’s and Alex’s Core Personalities are two of the most decisive and influential Personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index.
When a Core Personality is naturally comfortable in a leadership role, it tends to have more influence on its Bodyguards than Core Personalities that are not as naturally self-assured.
Sam’s Social Connector Core Personality is likely to have some influence on the choices Sam makes in every aspect of life, including romance. And Alex’s Physical Changemaker Core personality is also likely to have some influence on the choices Sam makes in every aspect of life, including romance.
When the Social Connector’s focus on success carries over into love relationships, they want those romantic relationships to have the universal mark of success, a great sex life. The influence of Sam’s Core Personality helps bridge the intimacy gap that might be created from having different Explorer elements. However, the influence of Alex’s Core Personality is more likely to activate an antagonistic power struggle within the couple’s intimate relationship.
When the Physical Changemaker’s drive to feel empowered carries over into Alex’s love relationships, they want their love life to support a sense of power in their body. Unless Sam’s and Alex’s sexual spark is ignited by a mutual play for dominance, this Personality Pair is not likely to enjoy a positive romantic chemistry.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Connector Triad which includes a Social Connector Core. And Alex has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Core.
Sam’s Social Connector Core is focused on success. Sam may expect Alex to change their mindset or course of action as part of a commitment to leveling up the private aspects of the relationship or the public perception of it.
Alex is likely to resent Sam’s expectations because their Physical Changemaker Personality tends to interpret expectations that they change something about themselves as a threat to their autonomy and power.
Alex’s Physical Changemaker Core is invested in feeling powerful in the world. If they are not satisfied with the level of power they feel in their life, they can feel compelled to exercise more power over their partner. When Alex is not happy with something in the relationship, they may attempt to impose their will by finding a way to blame Sam, and taking on the demeanor of a bully.
Sam’s Social Connector Personality is not likely to tolerate Alex’s efforts to impose expectations for the sake of establishing dominance. Sam is likely to ignore Alex’s expectations because Sam’s Social Connector Personality has a natural disdain for the Physical Changemaker’s muscle flexing stance.
But even though Alex’s expectations can be more about control than whatever issue they are directed at, they are still likely to impact Sam. Each time issues arise, they are likely to trigger any insecurities Sam has in connection with the criticisms that are brought up.
Although neither Sam nor Alex is likely to make it obvious that they are impacted by any expectations their partner has of them to change what they do naturally, it can be difficult to avoid internalizing the feeling that they are not enough. Every time they take that hit, any feeling of compatibility that exists in the relationship also takes a hit.
The inherent incompatibility of this Personality Pair makes it highly unlikely to happen in the first place.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards. So, when the Changemaker IS our Core personality and we are in a relationship, we can’t just ignore aspects of the relationship we wish were different.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Connector Triad which includes a Social Changemaker Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Core.
Sam’s Social Changemaker Bodyguard is the most naturally compassionate of all three Changemaker Personality Types on the Couples Personality Index. They tend to have the outlook that giving is the best way to make things better, and try to thoughtfully communicate about whatever is bothering them until it gets resolved.
Because the Physical Changemaker in Alex’s Triad is their Core Personality, they are not likely to ignore something that is bothering them. One of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index, the Physical Changemaker Personality often comes across as belligerent even without realizing it.
When Alex allows any disappointment they have in Sam to cross over into a power play, it is immediately apparent in Alex’s physically intimidating body language. Sam’s reaction to Alex’s domineering energy is likely to either walk away or take steps to de-escalate Alex and manage the issue at hand.
However, the fundamental incompatibility of this Personality Pair is likely to cause tensions to become more frequent and volatile, forcing the relationship to end in a way that leaves plenty of resentment on both sides.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Connector Triad which includes a Social Connector Core. And Alex has the Physical Changemaker Triad which includes a Physical Connector Bodyguard.
Sam and Alex approach fitting into the world very differently for two reasons. One reason is that for Sam, the Connector is their Core Personality; whereas for Alex, it is a Bodyguard. Another reason is that Sam has the Social Connector in their Triad, and Alex has the Physical Connector.
Because the Social Connector in Sam’s Triad is their Core Personality, it is very important to them that the relationship acts as a bridge between who they are and how the world perceives them. Sam’s Social Connector Core expects the relationship to support the social image and status side of their identity.
But Alex’s Physical Changemaker Personality is likely to resent any expectations that they follow any kind of social protocol in order to make a good impression and get along with people. The Physical Changemaker Personality tends to begrudge demands, regardless if they come from their own ‘alter ego’ Bodyguard or from a partner.
Regardless if Alex’s Physical Connector Bodyguard is active or not, Alex is likely to either not recognize Sam’s Social Connector needs, or to simply ignore them.
Because the Physical Connector element in Alex’s Triad is a Bodyguard, and not their Core Personality, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind. To what extent Alex expects their relationship to help them feel at home in the world depends on how active their Connector Bodyguard is.
As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything. A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels compelled to plant roots or take up space in the world. When active, Alex’s Physical Connector Bodyguard is inclined to see the relationship as an important puzzle piece in the tangible reality of a full life.
The Physical Connector element usually is invested in finding a partner whose behavior can be counted on to reflect values of responsibility and fairness. When a Physical connector core or active bodyguard encounters partner behavior that does not reflect good character, the relationship puzzle piece feels fractured.
However, the Physical Connector Bodyguard in a Physical Changemaker Triad may not have enough sway over their own Core Personality to hold it to those values. Alex’s Physical Changemaker Triad has its own internal contradiction because the Physical Changemaker Core and Physical Connector Bodyguard have diametrically opposed methods for dealing with life.
The Physical Changemaker Core wants to charge at life until it surrenders. The Physical Connector Bodyguard wants to use established frameworks to build a world where people can make the most of what reality has to offer. If Alex’s Physical Connector Bodyguard is active, it is constantly trying to manage the Physical Changemaker Core to prevent it from making a choice that might harm Alex or anyone else.
The Physical Changemaker Triad’s internal power struggle triggers Alex into a defensive posture. Alex’s Connector needs zero in on keeping their environment predictable and nonthreatening. In this Personality Pair, Alex expects the relationship to help ‘cover’ them in any situations that may draw the attention of authority or anyone they perceive as the enemy.
However, Sam’s Social Connector Personality has no interest in policing the couple’s social interactions or fitting into any of the preset frameworks Alex may use to manage their life.
This Personality Pair is unlikely to meet either Sam’s or Alex’s Connector needs. There is little to no chance that Sam’s Social Connector and Alex’s Physical Changemaker would choose each other in the first place. And if they did, the relationship would likely end as soon as it began. ©
