Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has a Social Explorer Core, and a person whose Personality Triad has a Physical Connector Core. The Social Explorer Triad includes a Social Changemaker Bodyguard and a Physical Connector Bodyguard. The Physical Connector Triad includes a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard and a Social Explorer Bodyguard.
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards. So when the Explorer IS our core personality and we are in a relationship, we just want to stay focused on the good feels of being in love. Having to deal with other aspects of the relationship can stress us out and make us want to pull away.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Explorer Triad which includes a Social Explorer Core. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Social Explorer Bodyguard.
Sam and Alex both have the Social Explorer in their Triad. The difference is that for Sam, it is the Core Personality; whereas for Alex, it is a Bodyguard.
Because the Explorer element in both Sam’s and Alex’s Personality Triads is the Social Explorer, their feelings while they are falling in love naturally align. The fact that love means the same thing to both of them makes the honeymoon phase feel perfect as long as they both are embracing the experience of falling in love.
For both Sam and Alex, love is anchored in the feeling of having someone by their side and the mutual choice to share the dance of life with one another.
The difference between having the Social Explorer as a Core Personality and having it as a Bodyguard Personality becomes most apparent in the transition from the honeymoon phase to more mundane day-to-day living.
Because the Social Explorer is Sam’s Core Personality, they want to stay fully present in the feeling of romance and connection as long as possible. Because the Social Explorer is not Alex’s Core Personality, it answers to their Physical Connector Core, which is willing to let real life distractions poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship.
This difference still works for this Personality Pair because Alex is eager to put into action any plans they had for their life together. And it makes Sam happy to join in whatever Alex wants to do.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Explorer Triad which includes a Social Explorer Core. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Physical Connector Core.
Sam’s Social Explorer Core is naturally gifted at accepting others unconditionally. So it is unlikely that Alex would ever feel pressured by Sam to change any aspect of themselves.
Alex’s Physical Connector Core prioritizes keeping life streamlined and safe. They generally appreciate structure and rules in every aspect of their life. If Sam is breaking established rules or social norms, Alex would expect Sam to change their behavior to fit in with what society expects.
Sam’s Social Explorer Personality generally does not have a problem complying with Alex’s wishes. So in this Personality Pair, Alex is likely to express clear preferences about most couple decisions in a fair way, which Sam appreciates. For this Personality Pair, accepting the relationship roles that work for them is an integral part of how they love and support one another.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Explorer Triad which includes a Social Changemaker Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard.
The Social Changemaker in Sam’s Triad is a Bodyguard. Therefore, it is influenced by the Social Explorer Core Personality which tends to avoid confrontation, overriding the desire to ask for anything that would cause tension in the relationship.
Although the Physical Changemaker in Alex’s Triad is also a Bodyguard, it is one of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index, which makes it more likely to assert itself.
Still, Alex’s Physical Changemaker Bodyguard is generally well managed by their Physical Connector Core, keeping the Physical Changemaker Bodyguard from impulsively reacting to triggers. If Alex is not happy with something Sam is doing, Alex’s Physical Connector Core usually maintains a cool, calm and collected demeanor, communicating what they want in very practical terms.
If Sam does not respond as Alex thinks they should, Alex is likely to begin feeling and expressing agitation, allowing the Physical Changemaker Bodyguard to emerge.
But for the most part, Sam is eager to please, and does everything they can to make Alex happy.
In this Personality Pair, Alex has ideas for where to guide each facet of the relationship. And Sam is generally happy to follow Alex’s lead. Any desire for change is much more likely to be expressed by Alex than by Sam.
Still, Alex’s Physical Connector Core is governed by a strong sense of fairness which minimizes the chance of an unhealthy imbalance in the relationship’s power dynamic.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Social Explorer Triad which includes a Physical Connector Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Physical Connector Core.
Sam’s Social Explorer Triad and Alex’s Physical Connector Triad both have the Physical Connector element. The difference is that in Alex’s Physical Connector Triad, it is the Core Personality; whereas in Sam’s Social Explorer Triad, it is a Bodyguard.
Because the Physical Connector in Alex’s Triad is their Core Personality, it is very important to them that the relationship acts as a bridge between who they are and how the world perceives them. Because the Physical Connector in Sam’s Triad is a Bodyguard, and not their Core Personality, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind.
But when Sam’s Connector Bodyguard is active, Sam looks to the relationship to support their connection to the world the same way Alex does. The Physical Connector is inclined to see the relationship as an important puzzle piece in the tangible reality of a full life. Any partner behavior that does not reflect loyalty and dependability fractures the relationship puzzle piece that the Physical Connector is trusting to stay whole.
To what extent Sam expects their relationship to help them feel at home in the world depends on how active their Connector Bodyguard is. As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything. A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels under pressure to plant roots or take up space in the world.
Having the same Connector element means that Sam and Alex have parallel perspectives on the Connector role that their relationship plays in their lives, adding another layer to this couple’s overall shared values and outlook on life.
In this Personality Pair, both Sam’s and Alex’s Core Personalities prioritize their partner’s needs. Sam’s Social Explorer Personality is generally eager to please. And Alex’s Physical Connector Personality has a strong work ethic and sense of fairness that tends to make them expect more of themselves than they expect of anyone else.
This Personality Pair has the potential for a lifelong relationship that provides both of them with the love and respect they deserve. ©
