Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.
This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has an Ideas Connector Core, and person whose Personality Triad has a Physical Connector Core. The Ideas Connector Triad includes an Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard and a Physical Explorer Bodyguard. The Physical Connector Triad includes a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard and a Social Explorer Bodyguard
For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.
Falling in love
We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes a Physical Explorer Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Social Explorer Bodyguard.
Because the Explorer element in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads are Bodyguards and not their Core Personalities, they are both willing to let distractions poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship. And even if they both decide to give their full attention to the relationship, either or both of them may doubt their partner’s love because their priorities around love are so different.
Sam’s Physical Explorer Bodyguard anchors love in their body. Alex’s Social Explorer Bodyguard anchors love in the feeling of having someone by their side and the mutual choice to share the dance of life with one another.
Ultimately, Sam’s love is strongest when they feel a strong physical attraction and chemistry. Alex’s love is strongest when the couple moves through daily life together, sharing the reality of life’s ups and downs.
Having different values around love can make it difficult for the romance to ground itself and build a solid momentum. Both Sam and Alex are at increased risk of feeling that trust in their partner’s love is getting scuffed up over time to the point of becoming completely eroded.
Compatibility
Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Connector Core. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Physical Connector Core.
Sam’s Ideas Connector Core has an aversion to limiting themselves or anyone else to a single way of doing things. Alex prioritizes never being bored or stuck in a mental rut. So they are unlikely to commit themselves to a particular permanent change or to persist in wanting or expecting Sam to do that for them. Alex might make a spur-of-the-moment request. But if Sam hesitates, Alex is likely to simply move on.
Alex’s Physical Connector Core prioritizes keeping life streamlined and safe. They generally appreciate structure and rules in every aspect of their life. If Sam is making risky choices or breaking laws, Alex would expect Sam to change their behavior to fit in with society’s standards. Sam views Alex’s expectations as an opportunity to try out whatever Alex wants them to do until they get bored or tired of doing it.
Both Sam and Alex are likely to be very active in the world, leading to a very busy life in and out of the home. The difference is that Sam’s Ideas Connector personality thrives on keeping life interesting by having many irons in the fire, and not staying on any one course for too long; whereas Alex’s Physical Connector Personality prefers life to be as organized and consistent as possible.
Sam is likely to think that Alex is not open-minded or creative enough. Alex is likely to think that Sam is not organized or intentional enough.
Pressure to change is much more likely to come from Alex than from Sam. Long-term compatibility in this relationship depends on how comfortable Alex can be with Sam’s everchanging focus and choices.
Although neither Sam nor Alex is likely to make it obvious that they are impacted by any expectations their partner has of them to change what they do naturally, it can be difficult to avoid internalizing the feeling that they are not enough. Every time they take that hit, any feeling of compatibility that exists in the relationship also takes a hit.
For this relationship to last, it is probably necessary for Sam to decide that any stress caused by Alex’s hyperactive mind is outweighed by the opportunities it invites for the couple to experience the beauty in life.
Conflict
Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard.
Sam’s Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard is one of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index. It often comes across as argumentative, and tends to show up in defense of the Ideas Connector Core which is more inclined toward peacemaking and hesitant to take a stand.
If Sam feels left out by Alex in some way, Sam’s Ideas Connector Personality is likely to be disappointed enough to trigger their Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard. The instinctive reaction of Alex’s Physical Connector Core to Sam’s combative energy is to focus on de-escalating the situation. If that does not work, Alex is likely to walk away.
Alex’s Physical Changemaker Bodyguard is also one of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index. The Physical Changemaker is extremely sensitive to having its power threatened, and welcomes opportunities to exercise control. When active, the Physical Changemaker Bodyguard can project a combative energy that temporarily takes over the Core Personality.
If Alex’s Physical Connector Personality feels that Sam is responsible for something important going wrong in their life, that is likely to trigger the confrontational and physically intimidating energy of Alex’s Physical Changemaker Bodyguard.
However, Alex’s Physical Changemaker Bodyguard is generally well managed by their Physical Connector Core, keeping the Physical Changemaker Bodyguard from impulsively reacting to triggers. If Alex is not happy with something Sam is doing, Alex’s Physical Connector Core usually maintains a cool, calm and collected demeanor, communicating what they want in very practical terms.
If Sam does not respond as Alex thinks they should, Alex might begin to feel and express agitation, allowing the Physical Changemaker Bodyguard to emerge.
Sam’s Ideas Connector Personality may turn their attention away or react with their own moment of aggression. Regardless, either Sam’s distractions or Alex’s composure is apt to eventually end the clash, putting the couple back on track.
The contrast between Sam’s mad-scientist brand of unpredictability and Alex’s elegant consistency creates many opportunities for conflict in this relationship. For this Personality Pair, having independent lives with options for staying out of each other’s way may be the only way to keep disagreements from taking over the relationship.
Fitting into the World
The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.
In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Connector Triad which includes an Ideas Connector Core. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Physical Connector Core.
Because the Connector element in both Sam’s and Alex’s Triads is their Core Personality, it is very important to both of them that the relationship acts as a bridge between who they are and how the world perceives them.
But Sam and Alex approach fitting into the world differently because Sam has the Ideas Connector in their Triad, and Alex has the Physical Connector.
Sam’s Ideas Connector Personality looks to the relationship for support of the thoughts and feelings they have about themselves in the world. Alex’s Physical Connector Personality is not likely to have much interest in providing emotionally and psychologically therapeutic attention. So Sam’s Connector needs are not likely to be met.
Alex’s Physical Connector Core sees their relationship as an important puzzle piece in the tangible reality of a full life. Any partner behavior that does not reflect loyalty and dependability fractures the relationship puzzle piece that Alex is trusting to stay whole. The Physical Connector element usually is invested in finding a partner whose behavior can be counted on to reflect values of responsibility and fairness.
Although Alex’s Ideas Connector Personality prioritizes fairness and equality, it expresses those values by giving attention to every angle or perspective. That can feel unsettling and disorienting to Sam’s Physical Connector Bodyguard, leading to disappointment within this couple’s Connector dynamic.
In this Personality Pair, neither Sam’s nor Alex’s Connector needs are likely to be met. There is not much chance that an Ideas Connector and a Physical Connector would get together in the first place. And if they do, they are apt to realize before long that they made a mistake. ©
