Based on the nine personality types on the Couples’ Personality Index (CPI), there are forty-five possible personality pairs. The strengths and challenges of each personality pair are explained on this website. To find out about any of the forty-five personality pairs, click on the Personality Pairs dropdown menu at the top of any page.

 

This page takes a closer look at the relationship between a person whose Personality Triad has an Ideas Explorer Core, and person whose Personality Triad has a Physical Connector Core. The Ideas Explorer Triad includes a Social Connector Bodyguard and an Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard. The Physical Connector Triad includes a Social Explorer Bodyguard and a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard

 

For every personality pair discussion, the names “Sam” and “Alex” will be used for easy reference. These names are intended to be gender-neutral as any gender can have any personality type.

 

 

Falling in love

We experience falling in Love through the Explorer part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Explorer is our core personality or one of our Bodyguards. So when the Explorer IS our core personality and we are in a relationship, we just want to stay focused on the good feels of being in love. Having to deal with other aspects of the relationship can stress us out and make us want to pull away.

 

In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Explorer Triad which includes an Ideas Explorer Core. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Social Explorer Bodyguard.

 

Sam’s Ideas Explorer Core anchors love in the anticipation of having their deepest feelings heard and supported. And because that Explorer element is their Core Personality, they want to stay fully present in the feeling of romance and connection as long as possible.

 

Alex’s Social Explorer Bodyguard anchors their love in the feeling of having someone by their side, and the mutual choice to share the dance of life with one another. But because the Explorer element in Alex’s Triad is a Bodyguard, and not their Core Personality, they are willing to let real life distractions poke holes in the romantic bubble at any point in the relationship.

 

Ultimately, Sam’s love is strongest when the couple spends quality time together, away from any distractions, building a deep foundation of emotional intimacy. Alex’s love is strongest when the couple moves through daily life together, sharing the reality of life’s ups and downs.

 

In this Personality Triad, Sam wants love to feel emotionally intense and hyper-focused on their partner. Alex wants love to feel effortless, and to integrate organically into the fabric of their life.

 

Even if Sam and Alex find their way into a relationship, having different values around love can make it difficult for the romance to ground itself and build a solid momentum. Both Sam and Alex are at increased risk of feeling that trust in their partner’s love is getting scuffed up over time to the point of becoming completely eroded.

 

Compatibility

Feeling compatible with someone happens when our Core Personality, no matter which personality type it is, feels fully accepted by the other person. If our core personality feels pressured by the other person to change in any way, that feeling of compatibility starts breaking down.

 

In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Explorer Triad which includes an Ideas Explorer Core. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Physical Connector Core.

 

Sam’s Ideas Explorer Core prides itself on accepting and supporting their partner’s deepest feelings. But they might judge their partner for not wanting to stay immersed in those deep feelings, and expect them to work on changing themselves. Alex’s Physical Connector Core is not generally comfortable with emotional vulnerability, and is extremely unlikely to even consider trying to change for Sam.

 

Alex’s Physical Connector Core prioritizes keeping life streamlined and safe. They generally appreciate structure and rules in every aspect of their life. If Sam is making risky choices or breaking laws, Alex would expect Sam to change their behavior to fit in with society’s standards. Sam’s Ideas Explorer Personality prefers marching to the beat of their own drum, and is extremely unlikely to even consider trying to change for Alex.

 

Sam’s Ideas Explorer Personality is unlikely to have an interest in Alex’s Physical Connector Personality because Alex would never give the impression that they are open to spending time or energy deep diving into their own feelings or anyone else’s.

 

Alex’s Physical Connector Personality is unlikely to have an interest in Sam’s Ideas Explorer Personality because Alex is sure to  be put off by Sam’s palpable emotional intensity from the moment they meet.

 

Sam is likely to feel that Alex is not emotionally aware enough. And Alex is likely to think that Sam does not care enough about the day-to-day reality of life.

 

Although neither Sam nor Alex is likely to make it obvious that they are impacted by any expectations their partner has of them to change what they do naturally, it can be difficult to avoid internalizing the feeling that they are not enough. Every time they take that hit, any feeling of compatibility that exists in the relationship also takes a hit.

 

Although both Sam’s and Alex’s personalities prefer to be loyal, they are not apt to stay in this relationship. Whatever fluke brought them together can be expected to give way to frustration and disinterest from both sides. The inherent incompatibility of this Personality Pair makes it highly unlikely to happen in the first place.

 

Conflict

Communicating that we want something to be different in a relationship usually falls on the Changemaker part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Changemaker is our Core Personality or one of our Bodyguards.

 

In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Explorer Triad which includes an Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Physical Changemaker Bodyguard.

 

Sam’s Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard is one of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index. It often comes across as argumentative, and tends to show up in defense of the Ideas Explorer Core which is naturally more sensitive and introverted. However, if Sam is feeling emotionally defeated at a time when something is triggering them, they are likely to shut down instead of allowing their Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard to react.

 

Alex’s Physical Changemaker Bodyguard is also one of the most forceful personality types on the Couples Personality Index. When Alex is not happy with something in the relationship, the natural composure of their Physical Connector Core Personality can give way to the confrontational energy of the Physical Changemaker Bodyguard. When active, the Physical Changemaker Bodyguard can project a combative energy that temporarily takes over the Core Personality.

 

However, Alex’s Physical Changemaker Bodyguard is generally well managed by their Physical Connector Core, keeping the Physical Changemaker Bodyguard from impulsively reacting to triggers. If Alex is not happy with something Sam is doing, Alex’s Physical Connector Core usually maintains a cool, calm and collected demeanor, communicating what they want in very practical terms.

 

If Sam does not respond as Alex thinks they should, Alex is likely to begin feeling and expressing agitation, allowing the Physical Changemaker Bodyguard to emerge.

 

In this Personality Pair, Sam’s and Alex’s Personalities have such opposing perspectives on every facet of life that there is always a risk of one or both of their Changemaker Bodyguards being triggered.

 

If Sam’s Ideas Changemaker Bodyguard and Alex’s Physical Changemaker Bodyguard are triggered at the same time, the argument that ensues could bring down the house. If these two personalities ever get together (which is not likely), it is important for both of them to have options for de-stressing and regrouping any time they feel themselves getting triggered. It is also important for them to recognize that if one of them starts letting off steam, the other one needs to remain calm until tempers subside.

 

Fitting into the World

The approach we take to finding our place in the world is handled by the Connector part of our Personality Triad, regardless of whether the Connector is our Core personality or one of our Bodyguards. The more active the Connector element in our Personality Triad (whether it is a Core or a Bodyguard), the more important it is to us that our relationship act as bridge between who we really are and how the world perceives us.

 

In this Personality Pair, Sam has the Ideas Explorer Triad which includes a Social Connector Bodyguard. And Alex has the Physical Connector Triad which includes a Physical Connector Core.

 

Sam and Alex approach fitting into the world very differently for two reasons. One reason is that for Alex, the Connector is their Core Personality; whereas for Sam, it is a Bodyguard. Another reason is that Sam has the Social Connector in their Triad, and Alex has the Physical Connector.

 

Because the Physical Connector in Alex’s Triad is their Core Personality, it is very important to them that the relationship acts as a bridge between who they are and how the world perceives them.

 

Alex’s Physical Connector Core is inclined to see the relationship as an important puzzle piece in the tangible reality of a full life. The Physical Connector element usually is invested in finding a partner whose behavior can be counted on to reflect values of responsibility and fairness. When a Physical connector core or active bodyguard encounters partner behavior that does not reflect good character, the relationship puzzle piece feels fractured.

 

Although Sam’s sense of right and wrong does not come from society the way that Alex’s does, Sam’s Ideas Explorer Personality has a very strong moral compass that also puts a high value on integrity. As long as Sam’s personal code of ethics aligns with the basic principles of what Alex thinks is right, Alex’s Connector needs are not likely to add particular stress to the relationship.

 

Because the Social Connector element in Sam’s Triad is a Bodyguard, and not their Core Personality, the question of how their relationship supports their place in the world is not necessarily top of mind. To what extent Sam expects their relationship to help them feel at home in the world depends on how active their Connector Bodyguard is.

 

As an active Bodyguard, the Connector element can make it a priority to seek relationships that support our connection with everything. A Connector Bodyguard is most likely to become active whenever a person feels compelled to plant roots or take up space in the world.

 

Sam’s Social Connector Bodyguard wants the relationship to support the social image and status side of their identity. Because Sam’s Ideas Explorer Core Personality is naturally introverted, their Connector needs are likely to focus on specific circumstances or environments. For example, they may want the relationship to support the social image and status side of their identity as a creator in the art world.

 

Sam’s expectations are likely to be met in this Personality Pair because Alex’s Physical Connector Core has a natural affinity for understanding what is required to be respected in any social or professional context.

 

For this Personality Pair, intentions on both sides are likely to always be true. Whether or not they are able to make it, both Sam and Alex are likely to be sincere in their efforts to give the other what they need from the relationship. This couple’s good faith efforts are most likely to show up in their Connector dynamic. ©